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Post by Alyssa on Nov 4, 2002 13:36:28 GMT -5
Why Is He Doing That? Hi Alyssa: Or should I say, guten tag Reading this, I'd say this guy has a huge crush on you too, and is flirting big-time with you. Take the hints! ..... Yep, this is what we do. We're trying to get your attention, just like you might do when touching your hair, smiling and touching us. Your next move might be to strike up a conversation with him at lunch or something. Hi... I have another question, it's about the same guy again: shortly after you answered my last question (see above), he started going out and writing love-letters to someone else (I didn't inquire - news spreads). It seems that's stopped now. I've been ignoring him for a while because a) I'm not all that interested b) I don't really expect anything to happen, but strangely enough the more I ignore him the more he seems to try to get my attention! Goes out of his way to stand next to me, or just to walk with me for a few steps, etc. Do you have any idea what this... I don't know, what this means, I suppose. What's going on? Is the general opinion "ignore them and they'll want you" really true? P.S. Playfighting seems to be a very common thing... ^^^he does it too, so do tons of others I know! But I mean, guys wouldn't be much use if they didn't amuse us, would they?
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Post by Cindy.Loo on Nov 4, 2002 17:20:01 GMT -5
I have a question, for the all-mighty all-tell Toxic Avenger. Do guys not like a pottymouth? I mean, does it turn guys off when you cuss? Or is it all in my mind?
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Post by x.just.a.little.grL.x on Nov 4, 2002 19:54:58 GMT -5
Ugh! Why is it that guys ask you ten million times to hang out and then you tell them "Ok, call me", and they never call you?! ~fed up as you can tell ~
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Nov 5, 2002 8:24:42 GMT -5
I'm Not Interested In Him, Why Does He Keep Flirting With Me?
Hi Alyssa:
It could be he's trying to get your attention and someone else's. Then he'll go for whomever takes him up on it first. It sounds like he's still interested in you which is why he's still finding ways to be near you. He may also know that you're not interested in him, he hopes to break you down and hope you'll really want him.
<<Is the general opinion "ignore them and they'll want you" really true? >>
Yes, but to a point. Hopefully if this guy has any class, he'll see he's not getting anywhere and will leave you alone. You have to make it clear, if you're not already, that you're not just playing hard-t0-get. Sometimes guys love this. But make it clear you're not interested--that's it!
<<P.S. Playfighting seems to be a very common thing... ^^^he does it too, so do tons of others I know! But I mean, guys wouldn't be much use if they didn't amuse us, would they?>>
We try, we try. ;D
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Do Guys Like Chicks Wit' Pottymout's?
Hi Cindy.Loo:
It depends on the guy. For some guys it's a complete turn off, for other guys, they'll meet her halfway. And for still others, it's everything in a girl they're looking for.
"You talkin' to me, hah? 'Got your pottymout' right heah!"
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Why Do They Ask You Out So Many Times But Are Afraid Of The Phone?
Hi AFChicka:
Guys don't really like to use the phone as much as girls do. We prefer face to face. That said, we have to get over that. That said, he should call you, don't wait around for him to make up his mind. I can't blame you for being fed up. Tell him he's wasting your time and you're not going to wait around for him to pick up the phone.
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Post by x.just.a.little.grL.x on Nov 5, 2002 10:54:49 GMT -5
Argh, I'm just pissed because I waited half my day yesterday waiting around for him to call, and he said he would but he didn't, and every other time he's said he'd call he did, so I guess I'm gunna hafta talk to him today.....
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Post by Alyssa on Nov 5, 2002 14:07:11 GMT -5
It's not just them who don't like using phones - I used to hate it too. Because I was scared I'd run out of things to say, and while that may be ok face-to-face, the whole purpose of phones is to talk. P.S. Hm, I'm not totally uninterested I hate him. For doing this, trying to get close to two girls at a time, telling one (not me) he's in love with her while sticking close to me too. But I suppose I'd do it too ;D That's part of the problem (for me): there's this sort of equality, a having-the-same-sort-of-mind-frequencies or something. Other people notice it too. I would think it was pretty cool, but I'm a bit intimidated by him because I like him. P.P.S. (next day) Nope, scratch that, I've never been more interested. Wish me luck P.P.P.S. Hope this isn't annoying anyone, but this post is just going to grow for one more day. I think he's sort of losing interest in his supposed almost-girlfriend, at least he's shown interest in me for the first time in weeks. He sort of "pinched/held" my waist. I.... melted. (Sorry, had to get that off my mind)
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Post by x.just.a.little.grL.x on Nov 11, 2002 9:20:26 GMT -5
^^ I hate the phone to just talk about nothing in particular, but I think I'm okay with it to make plans and stuff. I kind of think I have Phoneaphobia (LoL, I made that up as you can tell...), LoL but seriously I think I do. I don't really like the phone unless I have something important to say, and after that I just wish I could hang up to avoid the post-exciting convo boring moments where you don't know what to say so you sit there and tell the person on the other line that you're mom is yelling at you to clean your room. I know, lame excuse, but talking on the phone is just something that freaks me out. I was never one of those girls who could just talk on the phone to someone for hours..and especially now with my boyfriend, I have trouble carrying on a good convo with him for more than 15 minutes, but it's not his fault, I just can't do it...I'm phonically-challenged! Well, here's the real problem (^^sorry for that big rant)...the problem has to do with my boyfriend (he asked me out just a few days ago ). Well I'm happy, but I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself in him. Like I'm afraid that I'll lose my identity and I know if I don't change my whole train of thought on relationships, that I'm going to fuck this one up..either by being cold and not showing enough affection or by getting too close, and getting myself attached and then getting hurt. Plus the fact that he's a senior and I'm a junior, so he's going off to college next year, and can I really handle a long distance relationship if it lasts? So many questions and we just started going out! Why do I always doubt myself in relationships?! But I really like him alot, he's one of the first people I ever genuinely liked without trying to push them away so much, and I'm so scared of fucking this all up....
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Nov 11, 2002 14:05:39 GMT -5
I think that's a big part of it, it's easier to talk face to face than talking through the phone. ============================================ I Like Him, But I Don't Want To Lose My Identity. Hi AFChika: You have to set boundaries for yourself, but also understand that you will lose some independence if you want a relationship. This is NOT to say that he should follow you around like a lost puppy and know every move you make. In fact, a relationship should enhance who you are, not make you more like him. You should be able to bring out the better qualities of each other. Let him know, and he will appreciate this, how you feel. Be honest with yourself and with him and let him know your concerns. <<I'm going to fuck this one up..either by being cold and not showing enough affection or by getting too close, and getting myself attached and then getting hurt. >> Yes, let him know this is a concern. But a relationship means letting go of alot of things. You may get hurt, it's a risk you're going to have to take. But if you don't take the risk, you'll never know what love was once like. <<Plus the fact that he's a senior and I'm a junior, so he's going off to college next year, and can I really handle a long distance relationship if it lasts? >> That's up to you. If this is what you want, then you're going to have to wait for him. You're also going to have to trust him while he's away. Don't assume because he's gone, he might be with another girl until he can see you again. But it's a two way street, he has to trust you with same as well. <<So many questions and we just started going out! Why do I always doubt myself in relationships?! But I really like him alot, he's one of the first people I ever genuinely liked without trying to push them away so much, and I'm so scared of fucking this all up.... >> If you weren't afraid, you wouldn't care, and I can tell you really want this to work So tell him that too. Tell this guy all your fears about the relationship and if he tries to help you calm those fears, let him.
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Post by x.just.a.little.grL.x on Nov 16, 2002 19:17:54 GMT -5
Ahh OMG, Toxic, I swear you're a relationship genious! LoL. Things are going great so far. Everytime I see him I like him more and more, and I know he feels the same because that's exactly what he told me last night. I love being in his arms. Wow, it's just weird for me because I've never liked a person this much. I mean usually I've been too turned off by former guys that I've had relationships with, but with my boyfriend, I can see all his faults, but that's what I love about him. Like the fact that he loves to sing to music all the time, and he's not the greatest singer, but it's soo cute when he sings, LoL. And he has his own like little sayings and idiosyncracies and quirks and whatnot and it's just the cutest thing ever, LoL....Ah, he's so great. But I won't go as far to say I love him, because I don't, because you can't love someone after only a few days. Love takes experiences. But I will say that I like him sooo much, he's so great, and that if it continues this way, maybe love won't be so far off... LoL
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Post by Audrey on Nov 23, 2002 16:36:01 GMT -5
Hey Toxic, I have a problem. A week ago, I was at a school game with my friend Tasha, anyways, her boyfriend came up to her, and scooted me over. He said something rather rude to me when he did that, but then, once Tasha told him (his name is Nathan) that I was her cousin, he'd say things to Tasha like: "She's pretty, almost as pretty as you." "You're related to her? I see the resemblence." "Don't you see how pretty she is? She must take after you." Aaarrgghh! Why was he going through me to complement Tasha? I'm really more concerned for Tasha than me. Thanks in advance.
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Post by Gabster on Nov 24, 2002 15:09:25 GMT -5
Hey Toxic,
I hope you can help me out with this. There's this guy that I've known for over a year, and there's been a lot of stuff between us. He's hurt me a lot, and he was the first (and so far, only) guy to break my heart. I liked him for a really long time and...well yeah. This isn't a life story. But anyways, I thought I was over him when I went into high school this year. About a month later, I totally fell for him again, and now I'm attempting to get over him. I've just realized that I'll never respect myself if I don't do this, and as a Christian, I feel that God is putting this on my heart because he leads me away from my faith. Except there's a few problems.
#1, I don't want to cause a huge drama. I have real problems with confrontation, especially with him, because I just can't express myself the right way around him. I'm too afraid of getting hurt, no matter how small the thing might seem.
#2, we had this huge long conversation the other week about everything that happened between us. How we both used to have strong feelings for each other, the things that happened...and everything. Except...I don't know, it's like he doesn't even acknoweledge it sometimes. He goes through these little mood swings, and one week he'll act like my best friend, the next he'll just be...there.
#3, it's hard to avoid him because he's going out with my friend, so he's ALWAYS around @ lunch, before and after school, when we hang out, etc.
#4, he's totally touchy-feely and it's just very irritating. He's constantly rubbing my back or putting his arms around me or touching my stomach. I've told him to stop, but he just ignores it.
I know this is a lot, I'm really sorry, I'm just confused. Thanks!
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Nov 24, 2002 21:39:01 GMT -5
Thanks AFChika, anytime. ======================================== Why Is He Using Me To Complement Her? Hi Audrey: It sounds like this guy was just trying to get a rise out of you. I would just ignore it. Now depending on your age, guys in middle-school just say stuff without thinking, or intentionally try to bug others. But when guys reach late teens to early twenties and beyond, the comments go beyond irritating. Sometimes this signals disrespectful behavior. If this kid/ guy says things like that to you now, what's it going to be like a few years later? If this is not what you're asking, I'll be back. ======================================== I Thought I Was Over Him, But Maybe Not Hi Lost.In.The.Song: <<I feel that God is putting this on my heart because he leads me away from my faith. Except there's a few problems.>> Good for you! Now: <<#1, I don't want to cause a huge drama. I have real problems with confrontation, especially with him, because I just can't express myself the right way around him. I'm too afraid of getting hurt, no matter how small the thing might seem.>> That may be, but you have to get past this. Confrontation is never easy, I don't care who you are. You should pray about this for a proper response. You don't want to hurt him, and you don't want to make this a worse experience for you than it already is. You need to just be yourself in this, then tell this guy what you think. If he doesn't like it, that's too bad. But when you tell him what's going on, be honest, but make it clear that the relationship is over. As far as getting hurt, it looks like that's happened already, and it also looks like you or he will get hurt. I've seen earlier posts of yours about this and the sooner you get out, hurting and all, the better. Time passes, and the next guy you meet will help you forget the hurt. <<#2, we had this huge long conversation the other week about everything that happened between us. How we both used to have strong feelings for each other, the things that happened...and everything. Except...I don't know, it's like he doesn't even acknoweledge it sometimes. He goes through these little mood swings, and one week he'll act like my best friend, the next he'll just be...there. >> Sounds to me like he really doesn't care one way or the other. Mood swings, or just not into the relationship? How can one just throw away another's feeling's? <<#3, it's hard to avoid him because he's going out with my friend, so he's ALWAYS around @ lunch, before and after school, when we hang out, etc.>> This is awkward, and will continue to be awkward. (Just what you needed to hear. ) The best you can do is be polite towards him and that's it. "Hi, hello, how are you," type stuff. You don't want to dump a friend because she's with someone you don't like. But be cautious, keep an eye out for anything bad he might be doing to her what he did to you. <<#4, he's totally touchy-feely and it's just very irritating. He's constantly rubbing my back or putting his arms around me or touching my stomach. I've told him to stop, but he just ignores it. >> No, it's not irritating, it makes you uncomfortable, and it has to stop. It sounds to me like he still has feelings for you but they are misplaced. The touching is as I talked about with Audrey's question above, this is the same thing. You may have to talk to a teacher or someone about this. A touch here and there is okay. How clearly have you made it that his advances are not welcome? Because if you have made it very clear, you may have to take stronger action. This may be a scolding, to outright yelling at him in the hallway, "Stop it now!" And if that's doens't work after you talk with him, you may have to go to someone like a teacher or Principal who can help you. <<I know this is a lot, I'm really sorry, I'm just confused. Thanks! >> Glad to help, and if I didn't quite get this, let me know and the same as above, I'll be back here.
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Post by Gabster on Nov 27, 2002 0:56:56 GMT -5
Well...probably not as clear as I could be making it, although I have gotten pretty forceful when it goes to far ("Don't touch me again. I'm serious. Stop it. Now.") but most times I'll just pull away from him or ask him to "please remove his arm/hand" from my shoulder, waist, whatever. Or I'll just slap his hand, which is just as effective. It doesn't generally stop him for more than 15 minutes...but I really don't want to involve the school admin. because past experiences have led me not to trust them @ all. So...I guess I'll just deal with it.
Anyways...thanks so much for all the help. It really gave me a lot of perspective on the situation, and it helped me an incredible amount. Thanks again!
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Post by x.just.a.little.grL.x on Nov 27, 2002 15:39:21 GMT -5
Alright back again...the same boyfriend problem..Well, yeah, he's great..I like spending time with him..*outside* of school..because I can't figure it out, in school, he's such a different person when it comes to PDA (public displays of affection). In school, I almost feel like any other friend of is, and it just gets so frustrating.. I mean last night, I didn't hear from him at all..and well, it made me think..like I actually had time to think about things..and I thought of something..He's leaving for college next year, and I wouldn't want to ruin his college experience, and I think that even if we tried long distance, it just wouldn't work, so the thing is...do I end it now before I get hurt (because I'm so afraid of getting hurt), or do I wait till later, when I get attached, so it can hurt even more?? And the thing is, I keep trying to tell myself "you don't really like him as much as you think", but I really do, and I can't help it. I just wish in a way that he had some ultra bad quality that made me hate him, and break up with him, but there's almost nothing, except the fact that I won't let him get too close because I'm scared of taking a chance and getting my heart broken.
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Nov 27, 2002 22:29:09 GMT -5
He Should Stop Touching Me. Hi Lost.In.The.Song <<Or I'll just slap his hand, which is just as effective. It doesn't generally stop him for more than 15 minutes...but I really don't want to involve the school admin. because past experiences have led me not to trust them @ all. So...I guess I'll just deal with it. >> Sorry to hear that, strange that you would be on your own in this. Is it that the School Admins. don't take it seriously? What about a counselor? ======================================== Do I, Or Don't I Want A Long Distance Relationship Hi x.just.a.little.grL.x Okay, step back a second. Think about this, would you want your guy to do this to you? What makes you think, and don't take this as scolding, that he won't wait? Lots of people have long distance relationships. I counseled one girl who went to school in New Zealand and her boyfriend still lived in South Africa. If that ain't a long distance relationship. <<him..*outside* of school..because I can't figure it out, in school, he's such a different person when it comes to PDA (public displays of affection). In school, I almost feel like any other friend of is, and it just gets so . . . >> I cut this off. You think maybe this is brought on by your uncertainty of continuing the relationship? <<I wouldn't want to ruin his college experience, >> Okay right there. Stop putting yourself down. <<and I think that even if we tried long distance, it just wouldn't work, so the thing is...do I end it now before I get hurt (because I'm so afraid of getting hurt), or do I wait till later, when I get attached, so it can hurt even more??>> It's a risk you're going to have to take. Honey, no relationship is easy. Whatever you do, sometimes it's going to hurt. << And the thing is, I keep trying to tell myself "you don't really like him as much as you think", but I really do, and I can't help it. >> Hold onto that. What changed? A few miles between you and him? << I just wish in a way that he had some ultra bad quality that made me hate him, and break up with him, but there's almost nothing, except the fact that I won't let him get too close because I'm scared of taking a chance and getting my heart broken. >> Is it that he's going off to college that concerns you, or is it that you don't want to get hurt. I hate to complicate things here but I think you're about to make a mistake you'll regret. Now maybe in time the heat between you two will die down and that will make it easier to scrub the relationship. Think of it this way, how would you feel if you were him and he were you? And he told you that it's over because he doesn't think he can sustain a long distance relationship. You can always email him, and getting a snailmail letter is always good and call him once in a while. Then there's the holidays and weekends he'll come back. You have to trust yourself. Don't throw this away because you imagine some things that may never happen. Frankly I'd think you'd rather get hurt, than to send him off to college after breaking off the realtionship. What's he got to look forward to with no one waiting for him when he comes home? All I'm saying, and again I hope this isn't coming off as scolding. Don't be in a rush to end this. You will get hurt, trust me. You and him are going to get into many little tiffs and arguments and you'll be very upset. Know what? If you didn't, then the relationship wouldn't be worth it. Think about this. Your next move is to sit him down and talk this over. Let him know your fears and concerns. Tell him you're afraid of getting hurt. Tell him you want this to work and figure out a battle plan what to do. But don't just give up. I'll be back Monday. Anything else, I'll help you.
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