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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Apr 27, 2002 19:40:34 GMT -5
It's been kind of hard
these past few days without you
I can't cry
Because then they'd know that I still care
I'm guarding my heart
I'm shielding my soul
I'm lieing to everyone
She could be your answer
I still swear that you are mine
And it's only fitting
In my life
That the one I love
Loves another
I've been disappointed before
This is not the first time I have cried
But this time my tears are saltier
More bitter
I lied to myself
I guess that's what hurt me
You never actually told me that you cared
I guess I just imagined that
The way that you looked at me
The way that you held me
I was convinced
But I guess I should I have known
That you would hurt me
Those eyes are too kind to be real
And your touch was too soft to be pure
And I needed a reminder
That I am not untouchable
So, thank you
I guess
For waking me up
For showing me the weakness in my heart
And now I can guard myself better
And make sure no one gets to me
They don't know that I love you
I won't let them see it
It's inside me
It's a part of me
It's you
And I can't let them see
That I'm not as strong as I pretend to be
I can't let them see that you finally got to me
I can't let them see that
I
Let
You
Break
My
heart.
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Apr 29, 2002 0:08:29 GMT -5
[Nicholas]
I saw him tonight
That first guy
The one that I "adored"
The one who was "perfect"
The one that I "loved"
He was the guy
Who tortured me
For two years
Holding me one moment
Telling me "forever"
And then screwing someone else
Behind my back
And there he was
Tonight
Smiling at me
Asking how I am
And his smile was so charming
And although he looked horrible
I couldn't help but smile back at that smile
And then I remembered
This is the guy who used me
This is the guy who tricked me
This is the guy who used my feelings for him
To get into my pants
I'm so lucky I figured it out
Before I gave him everything
As I hugged him tonight
I could not help thinking
This is the guy who first broke my heart
This was the first guy who made me cry
This was the guy who took what he wanted
From the innocent
And didn't feel bad about it
This is HIM
He is the reason that I am so screwed up
He is the reason that I can't have anyone close to me
He is the reason for my insanity
He is the reason that I push everyone away
I'm not going to let him to that anymore
He is gone from my life
And he cannot hurt me
I don't hate him
He taught me something
But what he taught me was all lies
He taught me that I am not worth anyone's time
That I am not pretty
That I am not smart
That I am not good enough
He taught me to hate myself
And to look to guys to show me how to feel
He taught me to stay away from love...
the only thing I have ever really wanted
I won't give him the satisfaction of hating him
This ass is not worth my time
I won't waste anymore feelings on him
It's over now
And I am smart enough to see
That all he ever told me was lies
Now I have to unteach them
And re-learn the art of love
Of loving myself
Of loving you
Of loving life
And I won't let anyone get that close to killing me
Ever again.
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Apr 30, 2002 0:23:23 GMT -5
[boys]
the life is being sucked out of me
i can't move
i can't breath
the closer they get
the more rigid my body
and i don't want to make any sudden movements
it's that look that they get
that look
that glimmer in their eye
god, it makes me sick
and i can't stand to exist
whenever any guy looks at me like that
i'm sick
don't come near me
just leave me alone forever
i'm not who you think i am
why do you like me?
i'm psycho,
i promise you
i'm only going to hurt you
stay away
it rises
coming from my stomach
that feeling
it feels like anger
it feels like hate
it feels like pain
and then he starts to change
from just the average guy
into a monster
i wouldn't even let him near me
i don't even like him that way
but he's a threat
because he's trying
to get close
to get in
only one guy is allowed this close to me
and he doesn't want to be
which makes me hurt more
makes me sicker
angrier
and more hurt
and then i hate them more
every guy who comes near me
every guy with that glimmer in their eye
it's not him
it's another guy
not good enough
not close enough
not him
ahhhh, i want to scream
i can't take this suffocation
just from the way he talks to me
and the way he stares
stop looking!
i won't return your glance
don't want me please
i'm only going to hurt you...
and i don't want to.
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Apr 30, 2002 0:31:36 GMT -5
[Bradley]
You were different
Something about you didn't scare me
You were real
When you looked at me
I didn't get scared
I basked in the warmth of your gaze
I loved it
I soaked it up
I didn't want you to look away
With every other guy
My heart hardens
Turns cold with any sign of affection
But the touch of your hand
Didn't make me tense
It soothed me
I didn't feel pain
I felt happy
Something about your arms, made me feel whole
Something about the way we danced
Made me come alive
And I could see myself letting you close to me
Inside of me
And I wanted you there
With you it was so different
It was so
Right
But something inside me was still broken
Or maybe it was that I didn't warm your heart the same way
And now...
And now, your arms are occupied by another
...
I don't want anyone else but you...
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Post by dubiety on Apr 30, 2002 5:10:37 GMT -5
i really like all of these poems. i think that you're very talented. my favorite one is "Bradley".  |
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Post by LaliciaBebe on May 4, 2002 0:19:41 GMT -5
These are amazing Alicia! Don't give up! Poetry is a wonderful outlet for creativity and you have a gift!
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on May 27, 2002 0:46:44 GMT -5
Broken
It's not exactly that I can't breathe
Air comes in and out,
No matter what you do to me
And I can move,
Although it's hard,
You don't stop me.
I don't know why I can't see the truth
I know that you don't love me
Say it again
You don't love me
There is nothing there
But for some reason I can't let go
I cry out in pain
This isn't fair
I hit the floor
Why do I care?
I cry
I want to hurt you
Revenge for all the tears you made me cry
Nights that meant nothing
Meant the world to me
And I can still feel you
Without even closing my eyes
I cry out in pain
This isn't fair
I hit the floor
Why do I even care?
I cry
I want to hurt you
Revenge for all the times you made me cry
Don't make me do this again
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on May 30, 2002 19:31:56 GMT -5
This is it
This is it
The time I've dreaded since the day I met you
This is it
The time to say goodbye
In these last few days
When the world spins out of control
Let me look at your eyes
And bring up all the memories
All the times that we have shared
This is it
The time to go out on my own
This is it
The time to leave my world
Comfort will leave me
How afraid I am to be alone
Everyone going at once
This is it
The time when we will hold eachother one last time
This is it
The time when we will cry
This is it
The time that I will feel grateful for all that you have done for me
This is it
The time to say goodbye.
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Post by LaliciaBebe on Jun 26, 2002 13:17:34 GMT -5
Alicia, you are so talented! Why don't you post more? i really enjoy reading your poems. They allow me to see what's going on inside you. I love when poetry is so honest that you feel like you know the person by reading their words. Bravo, Alicia! And please, Miss Starlet, keep it coming!  |
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Post by LisaRocksYourWorld, yo on Jun 26, 2002 13:39:54 GMT -5
Alicia, you're amazing! I'm very impressed, you're such a talented writer! It totally helps to write poetry when you have inspiration, which you definately do.
"I Can't Let Them See" and "Broken" really touched me, because I can definately relate.
Keep writing!
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Jun 26, 2002 13:44:54 GMT -5
thank you girls! i haven't written in a while because i've been having a major brain freeze, but i'll post some when i get the inspiration.
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Post by alicia.the.starlet on Jun 28, 2002 14:03:48 GMT -5
Inside
Inside I know I need to move on
The world keeps turning
Time keeps running
I still live
With or
Without
You
I need to allow myself to live
to breathe
to love
Everyone believes in my strength
everyone but me
and I can't find it within myself
to believe that i can over come
this pain
this rejection
that you never gave to me
I am the one responsible
that's what hurts the most
the i subjected myself to pain
to tears
and i handed myself over
to your uncaring hands
i loved you
because i believed that love is good
i cared because i was
hypnotized by your smile
and that fact that i seemed to matter to you
deep down i knew that mattering
that caring
was not the same as loving
but because i am bruised
and because i am week
i tried to believe
that your embrace
was unconditional
and your words
were the truth
you never lied
but i twisted your feelings
interpreted them incorrectly
and i have damaged our friendship
forever
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