Star Wars vs The Titanic

[YourCapnSpeaking]

26 reasons Star Wars is better than Titanic:

1. Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

2. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.

3. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

4. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material;
Rose is just marriage bait.

5. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

6. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size
of that thing!" and really mean it.

7. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving
madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

8a.Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic
characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians
to Admiral.

8b.Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats
his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because
he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?

11. People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star
Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.

12. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

13. Two words: John Williams.

14. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

15. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the
world"?

16. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he
would use the Force to get the key.

17. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo
simply freezes.

18. Han Solo would've missed that dang iceberg!

19. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated,
"Luke....I am your father."

20. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone
in Titanic was a stupid minor character.

21. Dead people have that cool glow around them in Star Wars. In
Titanic, dead people just have little hungry fish around them.

22. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of
planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.

23. 1979 special effects in Star Wars still more believable than those
stupid computer shots of the Titanic.

24. R2-D2 - enough said.

[YourCapnSpeaking]

Sorry about the lack of numbers. My finger slipped on the keyboard when I was typing all of that up. That was an e-mail from a friend. Here is the response that I sent him.

27 Reasons why Star Trek is better than Star Wars

#1 - Who the hell invented hyperdrive? At least Star Trek has their warp inventor.

#2 - Star Trek has WAY cooler TV potential, oh wait ... too late.

#3 - Q can turn Yoda into a green rat.

#4 - Kirk is the greatest captain, a legend, seemingly came back from the dead, and was the greatest enemy to two empires and a general bad @$$. Luke was a cocky teenager who could move rocks.

#5 - Klingons throw better parties than little teddy bears; at least at a Klingon party you can get drunk and get into a thousand bar fights and still be cool.

#6 - Wedge won't get the chance to say "Look at the size of that thing!" when he's near a Borg Cube.

#7 - It would be much scarier to be chased around by an all-powerful alien rather than by a guy with a flashlight that can cut metal.

#8a - Star Trek doesn't use words like "egalitarian." It has words like "isomagnetic disintegrator"; it just sounds better.

#8b - Star Trek doesn't have bug-eye human frogs.

#9 - We knew the Dominion was bad because they kamakazied. We knew Vader was bad just because he blew up planets. Big deal, the Dominion owned a quarter of a galaxy, let's see the Empire match that.

#10 - Luke can fly an X-Wing, but can he stare down Q and not flinch, much less laugh?

#11 - People can't create scenes from Star Trek and make them look real, they save that for props (you may not understand that one).

#12 - Tom Paris and B'elanna Torres were in space in only suits for hours. Leia faced down a giant slug, big deal.

#13 - Five names: William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, Avery Brooks, Kate Mulgrew, and Scott Bakula.

#14 - You only evacuate a starship in Star Trek for a very good reason (watch "Star Trek III: The Search for Spock" and "Generations" and "First Contact").

#15 - Do you know what Romulans do to other Romulans who follow Vulcan ways?

#16 - Q wouldn't need the Force to get out of a sinking ship.

#17 - No one was ever frozen in Star Trek, only held in time or stasis.

#18 - The Enterprise-D saucer crash landed on a planet and kept on going over mini-mountains more than once

#19 - We all knew the Death Star was going to be destroyed in both of its appearances, but who would've thought that Kirk blew up his ship? Who would've guessed that Picard was going to blow up his ship but was stopped when the Borg deactivated the sequence?

#20 - There is never a minor character in Star Trek.

#21 - People in Star Trek may die while glowing, not after.

#22 - Star Trek kept going even after its creator died. Lucas is gonna sell Star Wars royalties after Episode 3.

#23 - Star Trek has always been ahead of its time.

#24 - Data: needs some explanation.

#25 - Gene Roddennberry: needs no explanation, especially when your remains were launched into space and you've got a space shuttle named after your creation.

#26 - Where do you think flip phones came from? Sub sandwiches?

#27 - You know something happened when you've got a room full of Klingons screaming.

[Toxic-Avenger]

He, he, these are good. May I present:

Reasons why Kirk is Better than Picard

1. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
2. Kirk never really got into that kinky JUMPSUIT look.
3. One word. Hair.
4. Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
5. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
6. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
7. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
8. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
9. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
10. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off the bridge.
11. Two words. Shoulder Roll.
12. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when Admirals arrive for lunch.
13. Kirk once said, "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
14. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
15. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
16. Kirk, almost single handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
17. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
18. Kirk knows 20th century curses.
19. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
20. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
21. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
22. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain tactical advantage.
23. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
24. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
25. Kirk never once stood up and straightended his shirt.
26. One word. Velour.
27. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at chess.
28. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
29. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
30. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
31. One word. Iman.
32. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
33. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head.
34. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
35. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
36. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl someone out.
37. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
38. Two words. Funky sideburns.
39. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
40. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
41. Kirk is not politically correct.
42. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
43. Kirk never wore green tights and frollicked about in Sherwood forest.
44. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would be dead.
45. Ever hear of a bar shooter called, "Make it so"? No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty"? See the difference?
46. One word. Miniskirts.
47. Kirk's girlfriends always looked good in soft light.
48. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
49. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.

[Toxic-Avenger]

50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
51. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
52. Kirk wasn't some prissy archeology fan.
53. Picard's middle name isn't as tought or awe-inspiring as Tiberius.
54. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
55. Picard never met Joan Collins.
56. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
57. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk--probably millions.
58. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
59. Two words. Line delivery.
60. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bales of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
61. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
62. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
63. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
64. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippie goofs.
65. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
66. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
67. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
68. One word. Fisticuffs.
69. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
70. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
71. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
72. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
73. Kirk plays god with lesser countries, and then exploits them for their resources.
74. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
75. Kirk can climb up a Jefferies tube and fix anything.
76. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
77. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
78. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
79. Two words. Crane shots.
80. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
81. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things like tribbles.
82. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who is really nice.
83. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
84. Kirk would never touch SYNTHANOL.
85. Kirk looked distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares call him "four eyes"
86. Kirk can infiltrate gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
87. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
88. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
89. Kirk never once, ever, wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
90. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
91. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
92. When Kirk says "Boldly Go", he MEANS it.
93. Three words. Flying leg kick.
94. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a pony tail.

[YourCapnSpeaking]

Kirk is cool and all, but what about having a super-strong android by your side to protect you? How about a nice, big, burly Klingon that makes you wet your pants when he stares at you? Come on, the Next Generation cool is much cooler.

Plus, Kirk had ONE attractive command officer ... Picard had TWO. And Riker was a 24th century version of Kirk, with more hair.