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Post by x n0ise on Jun 17, 2002 3:57:19 GMT -5
Talk about your Depression here, ask questions, etc.
I seriously think I'm Clinically Depressed, or something.
Most nights, I'll cry myself to sleep...though I'm not sure why. Sometimes I'll think that I have no purpose in life, like no one cares about me. Then I'll get mad at myself for thinking that. I'll feel guilty, ashamed, and self-centered because I know I have an awesome boyfriends who loves me a lot. I usually lock myself in my room for most days, unless I'm using the computer. It seems like I want nothing to do with the outside world. It seems as if no one cares. There's just no point. I don't know what my problem is, either. I just can't put my finger on it, yet I'm wanting to cry all the time.
Ahh.
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Post by Spazmatikal on Jun 17, 2002 18:31:59 GMT -5
ahh. the joys of depression. i'm sure that if i saw someone about the way i constantly feel, i would be diagnosed as clinically depressed.
i cry a lot. i have a constant sense of worthlessness, uselessness, and inadequacy. i feel like nothing i do is ever good enough. i can't sleep at night because i think about everything i did during the day and how i could have done it differently to please more people. in being depressed, i have low self esteem. i inflict my low self esteem on others by saying crap like "i'm ugly" "i'm fat" "i'm not good enough" i know it hurts other people that i do this to myself. it hurts me too. my journal is filled with dark things, depressing entries, sad poems. i feel lame for being depressed. i have everything i used to want. i lost a lot of weight, i have good grades, and i have the most amazing relationship with my boyfriend. i feel as if im going to push the people i love most away with my depression. it sucks. i'll probably post here later
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Post by Ich Liebe Rammstein on Jun 23, 2002 15:01:48 GMT -5
Same here. I get depressed all the time. Even now. My depression seems worse;I attempt suicide when I'm depressed or I cut myself. I tried to kill myself the other night because I hated myself so much. I feel all alone at times and I hate it. I act all b!tchy to people specially my boyfriend,but I really can't help it!!! I hate it. ~~~~~~Heather,(Edward Furlong,Mike Shinoda,Chester Bennington,KidRock & Joe C. LOVER!!!!!! Linkin Park RULES!!!!!!)
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Post by LaliciaBebe on Jun 26, 2002 13:41:35 GMT -5
i have depression. it was awful when i was younger, and then it got the worst about two years ago. i finally got help. got put on meds. got better. i'm still better. i can now control my negative thinking and usually my mood. but lately, it hasn't been going so well. i've been really down on myself and really lonely and i feel depression coming on again. don't quite know how to handle it. all i want is to love myself. that's it.
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Post by horsesalltheway on Jul 3, 2002 17:08:12 GMT -5
Yes. I have depression. I'm on zoloft and am getting better. Although I still have feelings of worthlessness occasionally. Like 2 nights ago, after I hadn't cut for 2 full months. I cut. Fairly badly too. On my thumb and on my leg. But anyway get involved in things that you can work towards, whether you're good at them or not. Get yourself out of the house as much as possible. Join track,an art club, drama... Anything that you love.
Nic
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Post by Ragebøx on Jul 24, 2002 2:59:34 GMT -5
Oh, how we all can relate. It saddens me so to think that so many others are cursed with such pain, constrained by the foreboding sting of depression and the searing feeling of utter dejection. Excuse the drama, but at the moment I am caught in the depths of a [hopefully short] span of depressive thoughts.
Lately, my life has been going much better. I wouldn't say those feelings are completely gone, but they plague me far less frequently than they once had. They come around every once and a while [unfortunately, they are with me at the moment]. Many times I make myself think on the bright side of things. I assure myself that I don't have to feel this way. Many times a simple song or the simple writing of a poem will leave me with the relief I need to push myself away from its clutches. Nonetheless, I understand how hard it can be, living with that sadness that never seems to completely disappear.
Spastic/RainBow.Brite: "It seems like I want nothing to do with the outside world". "I'll cry myself to sleep...though I'm not sure why". Exactly as I feel myself. I feel completely secluded from the rest of the world. I cry for reasons I'll never know. Many times I feel I have no reason to be sad, yet I am down nonetheless.
"I'll feel guilty, ashamed, and self-centered". Don't be. It's an emotion that cannot be helped. Many times happiness can be hard to find. I know it can be difficult, but try to keep your spirits high. I know that is more easily said than done, but try to bring yourself to see the world from a different angle.
Spazmatikal & Linkin: "I feel as if I'm going to push the people I love most away with my depression". "I act all b!tchy to people specially my boyfriend, but I really can't help it!!!". Sadly, sometimes depression can affect those around you as well. If there is someone close to you that you feel comfortable speaking and confiding in, it may be helpful to speak to them about how you are feeling. I'm sure they will understand that you do not intend to behave that way towards others. And sometimes, talking can really ease the pain as well.
"I attempt suicide when I'm depressed or I cut myself". Linkin, I'm so sorry. But I know you have a boyfriend who loves you and others in this world who care for you dearly. Try to see these good points in life. The world is full of pain, but I know that you are strong enough to overcome. I know it may be difficult, but if ever you feel this way in the future, please talk to someone or try to let it out through other means. Nearly everyone I know is aware that music is my passion. What's yours? Concentrate on what you love most and try to keep those feelings at bay.
LaliciaBebe & Nicole: I'm very glad to see that you have taken action against your depression. But sometimes, as you know, even science is no match for your own personal psyche. I'm very sorry that your medications haven't been working for you recently. And, Nicole, I am terribly sorry to hear that that happened. Seeing that your entry is nearly a month old, I hope that the past few weeks have gone better for you. And LaliciaBebe, I hope that things have also gotten better for yourself as well.
I'm not sure if I have any more advice in me save all that I have suggested above. And even that I am unsure will be of any use to you. I just hope that all of you will be able to somehow find relief from what has tormented you so. Stay strong and try to keep your head high despite what bumps you may encounter along the way.
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Post by LisaRocksYourWorld, yo on Jul 25, 2002 0:49:43 GMT -5
You're completely amazing, Rachel. You've helped me, and the advice wasn't even directed towards me.
I don't think I have depression, but I know it's normal to be depressed sometimes. I'm a generally happy person, I don't harm myself, I'm happy with who I am, I've never had thoughts of suicide...
Sometimes I get in strange moods where I just want to think deeply and sulk and be sad. I don't think it's anything to be seriously worried about, though.
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Post by Ragebøx on Jul 25, 2002 1:12:46 GMT -5
Well, I'm glad I could help . I also find myself in those sort of moods. I think too much, my mind drifts to other things, I start to think over things that I know I can't change, I start to wish things were different, and I find myself feeling down. Other times, it just comes all by itself. It is kind of strange. I do think that sometime in their lives, everyone will experience some sort of depression. Some may experience it more frequently or stronger than others do, but I take it as a normal emotion for everyone. Just as there are ways to calm down your anger, I believe their are ways to calm your own depression. Sometimes it is all in the state of mind.
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Post by Ich Liebe Rammstein on Jul 31, 2002 22:39:26 GMT -5
Yes. Rachel helped me too. I'm depressed at this very moment and once I read what Rachel said I atleast feel alittle bit better. And music is also my passion. (That's why I listen to my MP3s the most when I feel down) Thanks again,Rachel.
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Aug 1, 2002 12:41:43 GMT -5
Just for the record, I DON'T DOUBT WHAT ANY OF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! okay? But have any of you thought about that what's happening is simply puberty? Believe me I've been there. You don't hit puberty, it hits YOU. Like standing in the street waiting for that Mack truck to hit.
Me? When I went through it, I cried alot, almost spontaneous. I thought I was losing my freaking mind sometimes. Everyone just tells you that you'll start to grow and get a few zits but no one warns you that you're going to have it rough, what, with school and crushing deadlines for projects and having to fit the molds of whatver society decides you should be from one second to the next. See what I mean, no wonder it's hard.
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Post by LisaRocksYourWorld, yo on Aug 1, 2002 13:26:07 GMT -5
Great point, Toxic. Yes, I do think whenever I'm feeling down it's just my hormones talking. Growing up isn't always easy. Even if your problems are trivial it can feel like the world is on your shoulders. I try to get out of that habit, because I know there's more important problems in the world besides what boys I like. However, it is widely known that no matter how many people are dying in the world, if you get dumped you're going to feel down for a little while. There's a longing of acceptance among teens... And fitting in, on top of boys, homework, and everything else in your life can be a very stressful combination.
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Post by Toxic-Avenger on Aug 6, 2002 8:43:49 GMT -5
/\ That's my point exactly.
Your hormones and everything are changing, your life is changing. And so is your mind. You don't know whether to be a child or the adult you're turning into. You're given resposibilities, and priveledges are taken away. You're supposed to hit the ground running with these new responsibilites but no one tells you how to accomplish them but if you fail there's hell to pay. There are demands on you and your time. It's like everyone, the school, your friends, your family, your job, they all want a peice of you.
And you get to a point where you just want to scream, STOP!
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Post by Cassiopeia on Aug 6, 2002 10:56:31 GMT -5
I have depression. Like actual clinical depression. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
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Post by Gabster on Aug 6, 2002 21:07:51 GMT -5
I have depression. Actually, I'm fighting it right now.
My clinical depression started in August, I started cutting my wrists back in October 2001, and in March 2002 one of my friends called the cops on me, after she saw my wrists. I was taken to a psychologist, but it didn't really do anything...I just lied to the psychologist and kept cutting, because I felt so abandoned by one of of my best friends, who told me he'd be there through everything, and then he yelled at me when I was upset about the cops showing up. (Him and I don't talk much anymore). Anywhoo, I stopped in mid April, then slipped up ONCE on May 2nd. This same guy found out, and threatened to call the local psychiatric hospital. I freaked out and tried to kill myself, and then the next time I saw him, he told me it was all a bluff, that he was never going to call, he just wanted to scare me into stopping. (Good plan Steve...good plan) Anyways, I finally stopped, and I haven't cut myself since May 2nd. (It's been 3 months). I am still seeing the psychologist, but it doesn't really help. I mean, I'm no longer extremely sad or depressed, in fact I'm really happy these days, but it's not because I went and told the psychologist everything. It's because I started trusting God again, I let my friends help me, and I put everything into stuff that I love. I'm not saying it hasn't had an effect on me, because it has. I still have thoughts of cutting (but I don't), I lost a lot of friends (when you go through a tough time you really realize who your friends are and who will betray you), and it even had some physical effects - I lost 30-35 pounds in 6 months without changing my diet or excersize @ all...because I was so upset all the time, and that takes energy. But I'm actually OK. I hardly ever feel down anymore, I'm happy to be alive, and I enjoy every day. And I did this all without anti-depressants (although they work very well for some people, I don't like them).
I guess I'm telling you all this because I want to show you that there *is* hope. When I was severely depressed I thought that there was no hope, no reason for living, and that life was just one big hellhole. It's not. But when you're dealing with the pain and helplessness that comes with depression, it can be. So please, please, seek help. Maybe not professional help. Maybe just starting to pray (if you're religious), or telling your most trusted, supportive friend, or just giving yoru all to having a more positive outlook on life. Or maybe working up the nerve to go to a psychologist or calling a hotline. I don't know what will work for you, but never, ever forget that depression is 100% treatable. Anyways, I'm praying for everyone, and if anyone ever needs to talk, I'm just a PM away. Not because I'm going to lecture you or be all perky or anything, but because I've been through it. Good luck!
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 28, 2002 15:35:53 GMT -5
i was diagnosed with clinical depression and bipolar when i was 10. my sister said that i got to the point where she wanted to lock me in the "nut house". i got to the point where i wanted to rip her head off. i just didn't understand why everyone was yelling at me all the time. i didn't understand why everyone was so upset with me. i didn't understand why i was crying so much, or i would have days where i would eat 24/7 or where i never wanted to touch food again. my mom said that she wanted me to see a doctor. i finally realized that she was the only one that had been there for me throughout the whole thing and she was the one that had never given up on me. so i agreed and i said that i would at least give it a try. the doctor that i saw said that i should have come in a lot sooner. but he was glad that my mom made me come in now cuz if she didn't, i could have done a lot of harm. i knew that i was getting to my breaking point. about two years later, i told my sister that early on in this whole thing i swallowed a whole bottol of Advil, and the only thing that happened was i basically fanted and threw up. but i did have a lot of hellusenations. sometimes i still do, but it's pretty much over. but i guess that that's a good thing.
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