This is the most important thing 2 me EVER! HELP!

[SparkleStar]

I posted my problem on Razz, but nobody really seemed to care, but I mean just think: If you help me, I mean just a couple of thoughts could change my LIFE.
PLEASE READ THIS EVEN THOUGH IT'Z LONG! PLEASE! I'm like DESPERATE for help!
Here's my problem: I'm not known, I'm not popular, I'm not anything. And I know partly why: I just can't talk in class or ask questions or just start a conversation with someone. It really annoys me. I'm just sittin in my class while everyone's talking and laughing and I really want to say something, But I can't. It's like my brain is just telling me NO! YOU'RE GOING TO EMBARRASSE YOURSELF! WHAT IF YOU SAY THE WRONG THING? then when I could've said something, we're learning and doing classwork. I ruined my chance. I've never had a boyfriend. I'm in 7th grade, and let me tell you, I've NEVER had a boyfriend. I guess I'm just not popular enough. No one gives me the time of day. I IM them~Some girls are nice and talk, but not to me at school and some guys or girls just ignore me or really don't give me the time of day. I know why. I understand: Who would want to be friends with someone who doesn't even talk? I mean-people are like, "Oookay..." ya know? I've cried-a lot. Because some guys just call me a dork behind my back (long story) or they say that they don't even like me as a friend. I literally bawled today. What's the point of living? I don't even have a LIFE. I don't get calls, no one asks me to spend the night...I'm nothing. I don't get to give little inside jokes to my friendz on my webpage or laugh about some inside joke, or cry with my friends at sad movies. Will I ever have that? Will I ever be someone and feel good about it? PLEASE don't say that highschool will be better, everyone says that. wait, lol, u can I don't mind... Just please help me  on now. Almost everyone in my class is friends-I'm just a loner. .  I WANT to be loud and crazy and cute and talking to everyone and not caring what everyone thinkx, and say really good comebackz and everyone talking to me and smiling and making me feel like I'm someone. I want that more than ANYTHING. Please listen and help me. If you do: you don't know how thankful I'll be. I just want those nights where I go to bed seeing all these guys and girls swarming in a circle laughing and talking about kissing and going out to the movies together and talking to eachother, and I know that I'm not good enough for that and I can't have that. and I don't like to think about how my life completely SUCKS. I know this is long: but it's me. And I really need help. All I want is to strut my stuff in school and have friends to talk to and be cool. There's basically the populars, the nice kinda popular people, and the people that TOTALLY aren't my type. I need to fit in. Please help! I think I need advice on how to look good and act good. I'm planning to work it on Tuesday. SO PLEASE WRITE AND HELP ASAP! Thank you I love you! lol! I have 4 days to plan the real me-I'm talking hair (styles OR cuts or whatever), nails, face, makeup (colors on me), clothes (cool ones), the works. Please help me get ready to be the REAL ME! The WHOLE entire inside and outside! I have brownish blonde hair, brown eyes, about 106 pounds, 12, i got my hair cut so it's like shoulder length (not that long), and umm i'm white (just to let you know. I'm not like a racist or anything!) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help! LOL! Sorry bout the LOOONNNNGGGG message-But please actually give me the time of day, I just want to be happy and have friends and a life & look good & not care what other ppl think and be able to talk! LOL! A lotta stuff!
Luv you!
~Me
My IM s/n is LiLMissShayLo AND MY EMAIL IS [e-mail] feel free to write on her, IM me, or Email me![/b

[Queen_of_Hollywood]

hey, ur NOT alone! i was EXACTLY like that too! it got worse every year, & by the time i got to my freshman yr of high school, i had to be taken out & be homeschooled b/c i couldn't handle the torment anymore. but trust me on this, ending ur life is NOT the answer. in fact, ur better off w/o them. one of the reasons i started posting on Razz is b/c even tho i couldn't talk to ppl in person, i COULD talk to ppl on the boards.

if u wanna talk, u can PM me anytime.

[sunny.side.up]

Hi! First of all, you definitely *are* something, just the way you are. And there are more people like you. You're probably just shy - although I know that can be really frustrating. I think it's great that you're doing the whole make-over thing, I know that changing your looks ('on the outside') can make a difference as for how you feel and who you are on the inside.
You won't embarrass yourself when you say something. It's better than saying nothing. Start with something small.
Even though this could be 'just' shyness, it could also be a personality disorder, called APD (Avoidant Personality Disorder). You can read more about personality disorders on www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html , you can take a test there too. The description of APD is:

---

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

---

If you want more help you can always pm me.

~*Esther*~

[phil_core]

Yes you are a something, I mean, you PM'd me, see you can talk to people if you try.

My advice is don't go changing hair and nails and whatnot. I know this is going to sound really hard to do, but just try to be more open. I'm not saying you should run up to someone and slap their butt while dancing a merry jig. Just smile, and when someone starts talking to you, have fun. Don't think about what you're gonna say next, don't think to yourself, ooh that was a bad comeback. When you have freetime in class, I know it can be hard, but try to join a conversation.

And I know you said highschool won't be any better, but trust me you can make it so. Your freshman year, there are gonna be a lot of new people, and most of them will end up with people not from their middle school. Just remember that most people are in the same situation you are during the beginning of highschool, and that the new people you don't know yet don't hold anything against you,in fact they probably would like to befriend you.

Boyfriends. I know you've heard this before but sometimes having one is worse then not. I'm 15 and I had my first boyfriend last year. He broke up with me after a week, he now goes to a different school and I still like him. You probably have heard this too, but don't look for a boyfriend just to have one. Just be a friend, when you know the guy it's much easier. And seventh grade without a boyfriend is not horrible, like I said I didn't have mine till middle of freshman year.

So be who you are, and I'm sure people will love you.

[Ragebøx]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. But all you need to remember is this: You are your own unique self and no one can change that for you. And I suppose if you actually want to change yourself, it is your own choice and in your own hands.

But why would you want to change yourself? Why would you want to be like everyone else? Wouldn't you want to be your own self, your own character, your own unique person?

I know you can be loved and be your own person. You seem like such a wonderful girl, and all you wish for is to be accepted. Yes, it is hard and sometimes those people can get you down. But you just have to remember that you are better than they are.  Truly, you are.  Do you really think that a gang of shallow, low individuals who judge all they see and treat people with disrespect just because they are not a clone; are worth your time and effort?  Because if they are that utterly shallow, they are not worth a second of your time.  Shallow people such as this make me ill.  Don't let them drive you to the point where you must change yourself in order to be accepted.

And I know being thought of as “weird” or a “dork” or other labels of that nature may rain down on you a bit.  But you just need to realize that you are as good as everyone else, and if they are not able to accept you as so, forget about them.  I know it is hard.  But if you let yourself be driven back by those shallow children, than it will only be harder for you.  I learned that the hard way.  In fact, I look back now and realize how utterly foolish I was that year.  Don’t ever let those people get you down.

Yes, I am a loner and a bit antisocial.  I love spending time to myself.  In fact, I would rather be on my own, away from everyone than be surrounded by people.  But I am very shy and [in my own mind] suffer from social anxiety; and even that may have had an impact on the asformentioned fact.  But this is beyond the point I was hoping to make.

So my advice to you is this: The only good, true way to gain companionship is to be kind, polite, and as open as you find comfortable.  Smile if you wish; I suppose it would be less intimidating to others if they see you with a kind, welcoming smile rather than a frown.

But most importantly, do not let others pressure you into being someone you are not.  Do not allow yourself to become what they want you to be.  And most of all, be yourself.  Because changing yourself -- inside or out -- is not the best choice to make.

---

I have replied to a number of topics at Razzberry that may make you feel a bit better and realize that popularity and relationships in general are not all what they are cracked up to be. Just scroll down to my replies in magenta:

Popularity:
• razzberry.chickclick.com/message.asp?topic=4943553&start=5019316
Never Dated And Happy:
• razzberry.chickclick.com/message.asp?topic=4342900&start=4905251

[dubiety]

wow. omg, this is exactly a flashback of how i felt/was back in seventh grade. i had just moved to a new area, and i had no friends. nothing. i was so alone and afraid, and i wasn't confident at all. for almost half a year, i was so quiet. i would cry and be depressed. i was convinced that if i was popular, everything would be okay.

then, i guess i changed. i stopped worrying so much about what i was wearing or doing or saying. and just did what i felt comfortable with. you have to realize, that people, are just people. they don't have you under a microscope and are not cross-examining you.

you say that you want to be outgoing and talkative. its not going to happen tomorrow. you have to work up to it gradually. you don't have to be a chatterbox 24/7 and you don't have to start conversations with people. let them start it with you. or if you're working on a group project with people, discuss it with them. if you're sitting next to people in class, say how stupid the teacher is or how boring the assignment is (or however you feel about the teacher or the assignment). or ask for the answer to like, #12 on the homework assignment that you didn't do. don't think too much about what you're going to say next. whatever comes out of your mouth, let it come out naturally.

i know that you're concerned about your appearance, and it obviously means a lot to you. you want to look cute? well, everyone has their own idea of what cute is, and only you can define that. go to your favorite store and pick out what catches your eye. if you don't know what to do, get help from your mom, an older sister, an aunt, or the salesgirl there. if you're short on cash, go to discount stores like Ross,  Marshalls, or TJ Max. remember: the key is to be/look/feel comfortable with what you're wearing.

i hope that i helped some with this advice. like phil_core said, try to be more open. "the people that TOTALLY aren't your type" might actually be okay. be open to talking to everyone, regardless of what their social status is. Don't be so quick to judge, and maybe people won't be so quick to judge you.

[LisaRocksYourWorld, yo]

I'm going to be a bit blunt here.  Your classmates just might think you're conceited.  If you don't talk to anyone, that's what people are going to assume.  Even just a smile can make you seem more open and approachable.  

It can be hard to talk to people... I'm known as a bit of a "class clown", and there's really only one secret to that.  Yeah, some of your jokes and remarks are going to bomb, but for all the bad/unfunny things you say, theres twice as many good things.  

Boyfriends aren't all they're cracked up to be.  For all the love, there can be just as much, if not more, heartache.  Like someone else said, don't get a boyfriend just for having one.  A relationship is the coming together of two people who say "Hey, let's do this together".  That's all there is to it.  

You say you're planning "the real you".  Well, sorry honey, but changing yourself would mean that you're planning "the fake you".  "The real you" is sitting in front of her computer right now.   You can improve your actions, but you can't change.  

~Lisa

[girlpoet21]

I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. This reminds me of when I was younger. I was the kid who would work on a science project, only to have a "cool" kid break it on purpose, beaten up, ignored, and even asked out by my crush, only to say yes, only to realize in front of 25 laughing "cool" kids that it was a joke. Okay, I'm rambling, this just brought back a flood of memories. Anyways, that was through 7th grade. The summer after that I decided I was sick if it, and didn't care what they thought of me. I went back to school and did what I wanted, and you know what? I got really popular. I said what I wanted, wore what I wanted, and if they didn't like it, I told them off. Anyways, what I'm somehow trying to say is  don't change yourself. You're cool how you are, and someday they'll realize what idiots they are, and what they missed out on, and you'll come into your own. Believe me, it does get easier the older you get. I didn't believe that when people told me that, but I've learned it. You're beautiful as you are.

[sugarcult_girlie]

wow, hon, i am thoroughly shocked. i honestly dont know why someone would want to be the same as the pod people. they are all clones of each other...they dont have personality. well ok, thats not true, but YOU have more personality. right now you are mysterious to them, they dont know anything about you, if when you are listening to what they are saying and they are talking about something you like, join in! there isnt a reason not to, and if they start to question you, tell them where your coming from. and if they start to make fun of you, well, then they arent that great of people now are they? i wouldnt go trying to give yourself a HUGE makeover- "the works" as you say, in the long run it will make you seem superficial.

dont conform to what THEY think is "cool" do what you want and have fun!!

sugarcult_girlie

ps- by the last statement i made, i dont mean try to be all bad-ass and mean to everyone,but do what you like, for example, i have these shoes that i LOVE but everyone else tells me they are ugly and stupid, they are checkered...and so i painted them so they glow in the dark, because i like it...they dont have to wear it so its not there problem...

[IAmMe]

<<And I know partly why: I just can't talk in class or ask questions or just start a conversation with someone. It really annoys me. I'm just sittin in my class while everyone's talking and laughing and I really want to say something, But I can't.>>
I went through exactly what you're experiencing, so remember you are not alone. I was shy, I felt intimidated, and I withdrew myself from my classmates. I was an outcast. But when I started a new school, I had a fresh start, I made new friends, and I felt as though I fit in. Even though I may not be the most confident person in the world, I'm happy with who I am. You need to accept yourself before you can expect others to start accepting you.

<<I've never had a boyfriend. I'm in 7th grade, and let me tell you, I've NEVER had a boyfriend. I guess I'm just not popular enough.>>
There are plenty of girls without boyfriends in 7th grade. And if there are guys out there only wanting to go out with you because of how popular you are, you need to forget about them and find someone who likes you for who you are.

<<Because some guys just call me a dork behind my back (long story) or they say that they don't even like me as a friend.>>
They're jerks, and you don't need to pay any attention to them. You're better off without them.

Don't reinvent yourself for others. Think about what's good about you, and concentrate on that. If there are clubs or sport teams around your area, just give it a go and join them. I've made a few friends that way. Just take it slowly - maybe a hi, or a quick conversation with a girl in your class.

Someone will see that wonderful person hiding inside you, don't be someone you're not.

[Soleluna]

Hey there!!!

First of all: YOU ARE SOMETHING. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

I don't think you need to change your looks, or how you are on the outside. And you don't need to change how you are inside. You can start with little thigs, making people realize how important you are. Try and talk to them, it doesn't matter if what you say is stupid or not. Talk, and one step after the other get to know them, and let them get to know you.

As for boyfriends, I've had my first kiss, my first boyfriend when I was almost 16. It was worth the wait, I can tell you. You will find someone, sooner or later. Because you are special, and somebody will notice that and wanna be just with you.

Just try and talk. See, you did PM me. You can talk to people face to face too. It is gonna be more difficult, but you can do it.

I hope everything works out.

[blakmagik_woman]

i bet you are something yeah i know i m repeating what every1 said but the thing is  youre not confident
the first thing that poped into my head was APD too cozi  researched it
i cant tell you you have APD  but check a psychiatric doc
youre right you should change ur style   coaz it gives you more confidence and dont be afraiid to go up to ppl
remember th more you get away from crowds the more it gets worse !!!!
if you want practice infront of your miror talk to yourself
i know it sounds crazy but it helps jsut make up conversations !!!

for example next time you go to class say hi to the whole class
everylil bit counts!!!

hope i helped if you want nething pm me

[LisaRocksYourWorld, yo]

<<Even though I may not be the most confident person in the world, I'm happy with who I am. >>

To elaborate on that... No one, no matter how much they look like they "fit in", has perfect self-esteem.  Even the "popular" people, with their boyfriends and loads of friends worry about fitting in.  Honestly, nothing will make you TOTALLY happy with yourself.  The only thing you can do is try to improve your attitude on life.  

[x.just.a.little.grL.x]

Heyy, aww hun, look I think it's pretty safe to say that we all can relate somewhat.  I used to be extremely shy in grade school as well, and I think my biggest problem was not accepting me for me, and I partly feel that' s what you might be feeling too.  You shouldn't have to change in order to get friends.  You should just be yourself!    You could have the parties and the talks and everything you want if you put yourself out there.  Try to be more outgoing and don't get so down on yourself, but don't believe that just to get friends you have to get in the "popular" crowd because you should just focus on finding friends that accept you for you.    

[Queen_of_Hollywood]

^^agreed.