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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 16, 2002 10:05:34 GMT -5
i know that some of you all can relate...but my mom is going through menopause and no matter what i do, i can't do anything right. she cries over anything and everything. she recently had hand surgery, and that doesn't really help cuz she's not allowed to have tylonal, alieve, etc. and her pain killers don't help AT ALL. so she is either yelling or crying at everything. the other day i caught her in the kitchen crying cuz i emptied the dishwasher. i just left before she saw me. i just didn't want to deal with it. do any of you have any suggestions to make both of our lives easier? thx.
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Post by Shrubby on Aug 16, 2002 15:15:27 GMT -5
I don't know, you seem to be having a hard time.
Just try to help her out as much as you can, and if you want, escape from the house and tell your mom where you're going so she could have some time to herself or to be with her friends.
Sorry if this didn't help, I tried!
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 17, 2002 10:48:34 GMT -5
no, you did. thanks  i try to get out of the house, but i don't have a car...hell...i don't even have a learners/license! everytime that i tell my mom that i need some time alone, she's like "fine...but first, lets talk about what's bothering you." and that just ticks me off even more. idk...i guess i'm the type of person that likes to figure things out on their own unless i ask for help (like now!). |
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 17, 2002 12:21:58 GMT -5
okay...new prob...
right now i'm at my sister's house which is about 2 hours away. i visit her about once a semester. the thing is, everytime that i see her, she hangs out with her boyfriend more than me. she sees him everyday, there are some days that they spend all day together. she sees me about once every 2 months. every time that i'm here that my sister sees her bf, they kiss every five seconds. yes, i know that's cute, but it's so annoying to hear that 24/7 and all that. and i've already talked to my sister about this probably a million times, she doesn't listen. and my mom sticks up for my sister. idk what to do anymore. it's coming to the point where i don't want to see my sister cuz i know that he'll be there!!
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Post by ThaIceLady on Aug 17, 2002 12:30:27 GMT -5
^^^Aww hope every things okay with you and your mom. About the sister prob. You should tell her that you want to hang out with her not her and her boyfriend. Tell her that you miss spending time with her and suggest you two have a girls night out or something.Or maybe you, your sis and your mom can go out somewhere.
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 18, 2002 1:33:15 GMT -5
You should tell her that you want to hang out with her not her and her boyfriend. Tell her that you miss spending time with her... tried that. she told me that i didn't understand cuz i was never in a pysical relationship (all the do is kiss), and that (quote) "she wasn't going to compromise her lifestyle just to make me happy". that's the part that really got me mad.  ...and suggest you two have a girls night out or something.we actually (sorta) got away with that tonight. but when my sis and i finished the movie, she checked her cell phone and was like "OMG! he called me 3 times! i hope everything is okay! ahh...my poor baby!" i could see her eyeing the phone for the rest of the night. Or maybe you, your sis and your mom can go out somewhere.we do that. but again, she brings her phone and 'just can't miss a call'. it's like he's more important than i (or the rest of my family) is. am i being too unreasonable?!?!
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Post by *Little Leprechaun Gurl* on Aug 18, 2002 13:58:32 GMT -5
^^^ no you arent being to unreasonable...but...I do admitt that when being with my freinds last summer I did think about my crush alot more then I should have instead of having fun with my freinds. Too bad I realized it now instead of then....
Anywhoo you should maybe write your sister a letter how you feel....and tell her that she may be missing out on some fun things by only being with one person all the time.
Well..sorry I dont have too much more advise but hope I helped...byebye
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 20, 2002 14:31:36 GMT -5
idk. talking to my sister just seems pointless. she never sees anything on how it is...she only feels that ppl are accusing her of things that she never did, said, etc. i finally got my mom on my side. i can try talking to my sister again. but i'm not sure that she'll listen. normally when i pull away from her, she knows that something is wrong (ie, something she[/u][/i] did) so if i do that, maybe she'll call me and finally listen...and i mean really listen. thanks a lot you all! you guys are the best!  |
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Post by Shrubby on Aug 25, 2002 13:12:03 GMT -5
I hope that works for you. I think your sister is asserting her independence away from her family, but she's dependent on her boyfriend, and it's a change for her to be obligated to do something with them, so she's trying to get out of it because she wants to control her own lifestyle now that she's out of the house and out of your parent's payment, but she's going a little too far.
Umm, if you've explained everything to her, that you want to spend some time with her alone, and she refuses to because she can't handle being without her boyfriend for a period of time, then it's completely her loss. And you know, he could be only with her because he likes being in control of her. I think the problem isn't your sister, her boyfriend could be a control freak.
I hope things get better for you!
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Aug 28, 2002 13:59:25 GMT -5
I hope that works for you. I think your sister is asserting her independence away from her family, but she's dependent on her boyfriend, and it's a change for her to be obligated to do something with them, so she's trying to get out of it because she wants to control her own lifestyle now that she's out of the house and out of your parent's payment, but she's going a little too far.
yea...ever since her freshman year of college, she's been trying to forget anything and everything about this town. including her friends. she stopped talking to them, and all that. I know that her boyfriend didn't have anything to do with that, cuz she has been saying since the day that she moved out that she couldn't wait to leave.
Umm, if you've explained everything to her, that you want to spend some time with her alone, and she refuses to because she can't handle being without her boyfriend for a period of time, then it's completely her loss. And you know, he could be only with her because he likes being in control of her. I think the problem isn't your sister, her boyfriend could be a control freak.
i've asked her a number of times if he does anything that she doesn't want to do, or stuff like that, and she told me no. my mom and i both agree that it's not gonna last more than two years (if that). but i don't know. the more people argue about them, the more she wants to be with him.
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Post by 1.gurl.revolution on Sept 12, 2002 14:12:56 GMT -5
okay...new prob. and this is deeper and...well...judge for yourself.
every wednesday i have a phone call from my dad. we normally talk for about 15 minutes about how tired we are and what we're gonna do the next weekend. well, we got on the topic of 9/11 and he started making raciest marks like you wouldn't believe. i mean, i know that it was very tragic, and all that, but there are just certain things that you should and shouldn't say. so i calmly told him that i heard that most news reporters were leaving out a lot of the critical information, and that in order to get the full side of everything that is going on, he should check out the BBC (british broadcasting corp.). he got all defensive and said "why the hell should i? i'm right! (insert raciest comments here)" and i said comely[/u] again that he always told my sister and i that if we fought, make it a fair fight. and that with all of the key information, he's judging way too soon. and then he started yelling and screaming at me and he kept interupting me. so when i was trying to talk, i kept saying "can i finish?!" but finally i said "if you don't let me finish i'm just gonna have to hang up and talk to you next week." and he said "don't." and then i said "then let me finish" and he said "no--don't ever threaten me again." and i said (comely) "then let me finish." and then he hung up on me. i went to my mom's room where she was reading and i just cried in her arms and i was to the point of hiperventalation. my mom said that she was glad that i said everything without yelling and didn't use any cuss words. but still...i know that i didn't get my point across. i told my mom that he's hurt me one too many times. i also said that i never wanted to see or talk to him again.
what do you all think? did i do the right thing (like, did i handle the situation properly?)
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Gabbie
Junior Member
Posts: 153
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Post by Gabbie on Sept 12, 2002 15:01:44 GMT -5
Your problem with your mom...My mom hasn't gone through this yet, so I don't really know how I would deal with it or what I would do to help her, but my mom has had her testy times like when her and my dad used to fight. Anyway, ask her if there is anything that she needs help with or anything like that. Be around in case she needs it, but also get out of the house for some air. Don't just help her with things ask first. It seems nice to help someone with something when they are having a problem or what not, but sometimes they think that you think they can't do it on their own and that can upset thrm furter.
Your problem with your sister...I don't know what your sister wants from you as a sister. It seems that you have done anything that you could possibly do and that she just doesn't listen to you. Have you tried writing her a letter? Writing letters is, sometimes, a lot more effective. Sometimes what you say comes out totally different then what you are feeling because you are caught up in the moment. When you are calm, sit down, and write her a letter. Tell her exactly how you feel calmly but firmly. Let her know that you have been coming to see her, but she doesn't seem to want to see you, and if she doesn't that maybe you won't come as often. Seeing those words might be the wake up call she needs. She might hear you say them but won't believe if because she thinks your mad. Tell her your serious. My first thoughts were that maybe her boyfriend was the problem but if thats not it maybe its just her. Have you ever talked to her boyfriend? Maybe next time you go see her you could pull him aside and tell him how you are feeling and explain to him that while you were there maybe they could not go out as often so you can have some time alone with her. Thats all I can think of.
Your problem with your dad...from what you said, i think you handled the problem prefectly. My aunt is just not getting a divorce and her husband kids do not see him for many reasons, i think they are better off for it and they are much nicer now then they ever were when they did see him. To say that you never want to see him again is a pretty big deal and you probably just said it because you were mad, you should think about why you did say it. It sounds to me like your dad was really over reacting, if it was me i probably would have hung up on him. Next time you see him tell him really calmly that you were really upset by how he was acting and ask him not to act that way again. Depending on how he answers that can tell you a lot of things about him. If you don't like his answer it might be best for you to step outside and calm down and think about things before you do anything else. This is your dad, though, so make sure you don't do anything you would regret later.
I think you have been doing a pretty good job dealing with all your problems and I hope that I helped a little in making them easier on you.
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