Post by Toxic-Avenger on Aug 14, 2002 8:53:06 GMT -5
Ever get the feeling no one knows what’s going on?
Coffee is good for you! It may help keep certain diseases away.
Coffee is bad for you! It may cause certain diseases. The caffeine in coffee is bad for you, you should drink caffeine-free coffee. Oh, wait, the chemicals used to remove caffeine is also bad for you, you should drink coffee with caffeine in it because the caffeine that’s bad for you has been found to have certain health benefits. See warning of the month next week.
Drink milk! It’s do your body good, got milk? Oops, milk and other dairy products are BAD for you. They cause health problems. But if you do eat and drink dairy products, you’ll get the health benefits from the miracle mineral of the month: Calcium, said to cure all ills, including the ills caused by dairy products. But if you avoid dairy products, you won’t get the benefits of overdosing on calcium because they put it in everything else. See warning of the month next week.
The Y2K bug a few years ago, buy this buy that, when the Y2K bug, which wasn’t a bug at all but a programming work-around, when it hits, we’ll all be going back to a stone age existence because the water supply will stop, the power grid will collapse and the all the airplanes in the sky will suddenly develop metal fatigue and the wings will fall off, dropping the plane. India will be the first nation to show any problems, Y2K is here in India and! AND . . . nothing happened. Sorry for the hype, you spent all that money on new computer stuff and built that bunker and got all that bottled water and guns and ammo cuz you thought and were told that civilization as we know it is over. Sucker!
Eat bread, you need more carbs! Carbs are sugar which contribute to weight gain, don’t eat carbs!
Multi-vitamins and magic shakes, don’t leave home without them, they can protect you from colon cancer because you’ll be sick from the e-coli they gave you because you missed the massive recall from the radio station at the other end of the dial that no one listens to. See warning of the month next week.
Your cell phone, that you’ve been using for five years, has suddenly developed this deadly trait where the radio-active uranium 235 nugget they put near the ear piece, is rotting out your brain.
Oops! What were we thinking? Tests show that’s not true.
Flouroescent lights cause health problems, that’s why there are so many of them in schools and offices.
The sun causes skin cancer because we’ve suddenly developed an intolerance to sunlight. Great evolutionary step there. But if you don’t get sunlight, you miss the health benefits of Vitamin D—but if you get vitamin D, you might not be healthy enough to metabolize vitamin D and it will make you sick because you’re not getting enough Vitamin D. See warning of the month next week.
To avoid sunburn, use sunscreen. Oops! It’s been found that sunscreen may cause more problems because of the chemicals used, so you can protect yourself from ultra-violet light bombardment, but you can get sick because the ingredient that does that, causes health problems!
Don’t drink alcohol! The compound in there have been found to cause brain and liver damage. Oops, drinking lightly may have health benefits because the compounds that can kill you may help your heart. Oops, don’t drink, it. See warning of the month next week.
The dye used in some alcoholic drinks can kill you! Oh we forgot, you have to drink 500 bottles in one sitting for it to do that.
Seems no one knows what to do anymore. We live in a culture of fear from well-meaning people who just never seem to get the facts straight. This is bad for you, but later it’s found to keep you well, then it’s back to where this thing is bad for you. Eat this, drink that, it’ll help you lose weight, it’ll shine your hair and give you bigger body parts. Oops! This stuff is going to hurt you, everything you eat and drink is potential cancer factory and will hurt you!
What say you?
Coffee is good for you! It may help keep certain diseases away.
Coffee is bad for you! It may cause certain diseases. The caffeine in coffee is bad for you, you should drink caffeine-free coffee. Oh, wait, the chemicals used to remove caffeine is also bad for you, you should drink coffee with caffeine in it because the caffeine that’s bad for you has been found to have certain health benefits. See warning of the month next week.
Drink milk! It’s do your body good, got milk? Oops, milk and other dairy products are BAD for you. They cause health problems. But if you do eat and drink dairy products, you’ll get the health benefits from the miracle mineral of the month: Calcium, said to cure all ills, including the ills caused by dairy products. But if you avoid dairy products, you won’t get the benefits of overdosing on calcium because they put it in everything else. See warning of the month next week.
The Y2K bug a few years ago, buy this buy that, when the Y2K bug, which wasn’t a bug at all but a programming work-around, when it hits, we’ll all be going back to a stone age existence because the water supply will stop, the power grid will collapse and the all the airplanes in the sky will suddenly develop metal fatigue and the wings will fall off, dropping the plane. India will be the first nation to show any problems, Y2K is here in India and! AND . . . nothing happened. Sorry for the hype, you spent all that money on new computer stuff and built that bunker and got all that bottled water and guns and ammo cuz you thought and were told that civilization as we know it is over. Sucker!
Eat bread, you need more carbs! Carbs are sugar which contribute to weight gain, don’t eat carbs!
Multi-vitamins and magic shakes, don’t leave home without them, they can protect you from colon cancer because you’ll be sick from the e-coli they gave you because you missed the massive recall from the radio station at the other end of the dial that no one listens to. See warning of the month next week.
Your cell phone, that you’ve been using for five years, has suddenly developed this deadly trait where the radio-active uranium 235 nugget they put near the ear piece, is rotting out your brain.
Oops! What were we thinking? Tests show that’s not true.
Flouroescent lights cause health problems, that’s why there are so many of them in schools and offices.
The sun causes skin cancer because we’ve suddenly developed an intolerance to sunlight. Great evolutionary step there. But if you don’t get sunlight, you miss the health benefits of Vitamin D—but if you get vitamin D, you might not be healthy enough to metabolize vitamin D and it will make you sick because you’re not getting enough Vitamin D. See warning of the month next week.
To avoid sunburn, use sunscreen. Oops! It’s been found that sunscreen may cause more problems because of the chemicals used, so you can protect yourself from ultra-violet light bombardment, but you can get sick because the ingredient that does that, causes health problems!
Don’t drink alcohol! The compound in there have been found to cause brain and liver damage. Oops, drinking lightly may have health benefits because the compounds that can kill you may help your heart. Oops, don’t drink, it. See warning of the month next week.
The dye used in some alcoholic drinks can kill you! Oh we forgot, you have to drink 500 bottles in one sitting for it to do that.
Seems no one knows what to do anymore. We live in a culture of fear from well-meaning people who just never seem to get the facts straight. This is bad for you, but later it’s found to keep you well, then it’s back to where this thing is bad for you. Eat this, drink that, it’ll help you lose weight, it’ll shine your hair and give you bigger body parts. Oops! This stuff is going to hurt you, everything you eat and drink is potential cancer factory and will hurt you!
What say you?