"That doesn't belong in church." Is this wrong?

[funkygirlk16]

Ok, my friend Maggie, she's 18, is 2nd cousins with the guy she's dating. The whole church knows about it and they don't think they need to come to our church until they brake up. Is this wrong? Do you think that dating family (like cousins) is wrong? Should they still be allowed to church? I'm very confused.

[Spazmatikal]

whether or not it's wrong, the Bible says "love the sinner, hate the sin" so that's hypocrisy...

[Toxic-Avenger]

Yes, it's wrong to date within one's family, even if they're cousins. Their church needs to get together and talk with them. The first step is guidance and some direction. They should not be let back in, but only as a last resort, and this is an extreme measure. Meanwhile, someone needs to take the time and effort to guide them.

[funkygirlk16]

Thanks guys!

[x n0ise]

Yes, I think it's definitely wrong to date within one's family. I agree totally with Toxic on this one. If they can't see what's wrong, they need guidance. They need the help of others from that church - the people who can give them the help and guidance they need.

[Panori]

I don't know if it says anything in the bible about family having relationships, but I know that I feel differently here. They must be very much in love (or like eachother a lot) to do something so risky. Society has always had different opinions from eachother, and you might find that some other people in your church don't mind if your friend and her boyfriend go out. But it seems that the majority of the church thinks that this isn't right, and I agree that they have the power to try to change this situation. And they most likely will. I don't think that Maggie's relationship will last very long, but it it does last, I would be very... amazed, proud, something like that. They'd both have to have a very strong will and be able to give up so much else to be together.

But I believe you should do as you feel, and if these two people feel such a strong connection, then they should be allowed to go out. I feel bad for them because this kind of dating is really frowned upon.

[80s Child]

NOTE: Keep in mind that this post is coming from a non-Christian perspective, but I would like to state my opinion nevertheless. I hope you all will allow me the floor for a few minutes.
Personally, I don't see dating 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins, 4th cousins etc. as wrong. First cousins is totally odd, but other than that, I don't see much problem with it. Although I would never date or try to marry my own cousins (that would just be... weird), I cannot impose that view on anyone else.
Regardless of my personal views though, a church (or a synagogue or a mosque or a Hindu temple or... you get my drift here) is a private institution, and therefore free to make its own decisions. While I think that your friend and her cousin should be free to do what they want, and date whomever they want, the church obviously has different views than mine. Since they are private, like I said, they can impose these views on others. Solution? Your friend and her boy should find another church, where they'll be accepted. That way, the church can still do what it wants, and your friend and her boy can do what they want without fear of being criticized or judged. Do I make any sense here? (I sincerely hope so).

[Lauren]

This is also coming from a non-Christian (Jewish) point-of-view. While I see nothing wrong with dating cousins, as long as it is not 1st cousins, the church is a private place and if they do not want someone to be there for any reason, they have a right to do that.

[Toxic-Avenger]

<<While I think that your friend and her cousin should be free to do what they want, and date whomever they want, the church obviously has different views than mine. Since they are private, like I said, they can impose these views on others. Solution? Your friend and her boy should find another church, where they'll be accepted. That way, the church can still do what it wants, and your friend and her boy can do what they want without fear of being criticized or judged.>>

That's easy, just find a church that doesn't care about you. Sure they can find a church that let's them do what they want, but if the couples' lives get a little rocky, that church isn't going to be much good to them since they don't know how to minister to the people.

[unsunghero]

I'm a bit rusty on my bible studies her, but: Didn't someone in the bible marry his cousin?

This is one of the reasons I'm an Agonostic. As a Christian, you are expected to do what the church believes is the right thing, not necessarily what you think. I think your friend should be accepted. The church needs to open up and accept realities.

[-*- Little Miss Strawberry -*-]

^^^ You can't be agnostic just because the church "makes" you do things. Just a point. Oh well. I'm too tired to discuss.

Either way, I don't see a problem with cousins marrying.

[.Hunting:High:and:Low.]

I think your friend should be accepted. The church needs to open up and accept realities.

I'm not a big one for church (and most people know this), nor am I one that is big on organized religion, but... why should the church accept something that they feel is wrong? At first, my initial reaction was, "Yeah, the church is totally wrong. Who cares what those people are doing?" But after my Political Science's class lecture today (on morality, right vs. wrong, who has the right to decide and why?, diversity and the problems with trying to be tolerant and unprejudiced, etc.), I have a whole new outlook. Why should you condemn a place that has a particular view? If they feel it is wrong, they have every right to feel that way and condemn it. Tolerance is only the act of ignoring something that you don't agree with, so why should they be tolerant in a church setting when something they disagree with is happening in their very church? Realities are subjective. In their eyes, what is happening is wrong. If the people who are dating don't like it, they are free to leave.

[unsunghero]

You can't be agnostic just because the church "makes" you do things.

Actually, I can, even if I'm not. You have no right telling me what I can and can't do. Also, I said it was ONE of the reasons, and nowhere during my post did I say I'm an Agnostic because the church "makes" me do things. I'm an Agnostic because I disagree with the church's stance on a variety of issues, including homosexuality, evolution, and now, this. Don't try to trivialise my beliefs.

I'm not a big one for church (and most people know this), nor am I one that is big on organized religion, but... why should the church accept something that they feel is wrong?

Well, think of it this way - why do we accept differences in the world? Imagine the world as a big church. The church refusing entry to these people is like the world/big church refusing entry to people that practice or are something they disagree with. If that couple wants to go to church, they should be able to. If the world is an open place, why is the church not?

[.Hunting:High:and:Low.]

Well, think of it this way - why do we accept differences in the world? Imagine the world as a big church. The church refusing entry to these people is like the world/big church refusing entry to people that practice or are something they disagree with. If that couple wants to go to church, they should be able to. If the world is an open place, why is the church not?

Well, the "world" is very accepting, but people aren't. People who are against prejudice want prejudiced people to be "tolerant", but even those who are preaching "tolerance" are not being tolerant! They aren't being "tolerant" of the fact that people do not like the things others do. In fact, you are not being "tolerant" of the church which decided this. What makes you right and them wrong? What if I don't agree with something someone does, does that mean that I should just "accept" them? Why? In the end, if we are accepting everybody, and people are preaching that we should, are we not just moving society toward a more homogenous way of thinking? Are you not telling people that they do not in fact have the right to feel the way that they feel, all because of "acceptance" and "diversity"? In 1984, that is what society was turned into. Everyone was "equal" the way Big Brother thought it should be, and people accepted that as truth (political correctness comes to mind as being a step toward a "one way" track of thinking). You are telling people what they should and shouldn't accept and that is not right.

I'm sorry if this is wordy and not understandable, but it is late and I thought I should reply.

[Panori]

Toxic said:

That's easy, just find a church that doesn't care about you. Sure they can find a church that let's them do what they want, but if the couples' lives get a little rocky, that church isn't going to be much good to them since they don't know how to minister to the people.

A church with looser rules doesn't mean a church with no principles. If the church didn't care, there wouldn't be a church.

And life as a couple often gets a little rocky, 2nd cousins or not. It's not the couple that's causing the problems, it's society that's doing it for them. If they didn't know they were family, and others didn't know they were family, they'd probably live a normal life. They wouldn't have people talking behind their backs, dissaproving their actions, or debating their private relationship over the internet.

The only problem I can see is if they ever decided to get married and have children.